Sorry Mumma

Dear Mumma,
 
I am sorry, I failed you. Believe me, I tried. I tried everything that you and papa said, everything that he and his family said. But it was not enough. It was never enough. Just like you, it was my dream to get married. He was everything that I wanted. He was handsome, intelligent and so charming. I was so happy that I was going to marry him. You know, after my fairy tale wedding, I was really nervous for our first night. Apart from the talk you gave me, I had very a slim idea about what was going to happen. Mumma, I felt very bad that night, I felt no love. It felt like an animal was trying to eat me and I was too powerless to save myself. I know you told me that it would be painful in the start, but I was not prepared for the emotional pain. I believed that I was too naïve and ignored the disgust. Mumma, it got from bad to worse. All he wanted was my body.
 

 
When I told you, you said that it was the fate of a woman. Mumma, you never told me that marriage would be the end of my happiness. You said that it would the best thing that would happen to me, why it turned out to be a nightmare?
You told me to ignore so I tried, I really tried. I thought, I would ignore the nights and would focus on the days. I would give my best to make everyone happy, as it was my family now, right? But when they asked me to leave my job, I was shattered. Do you remember when I insisted to let me do my postgraduate, how angry everyone was? It took me days to convince everyone. Let’s just not talk about the thunderstorm that came when I asked to join a job. Everyone was scared that I am going to get spoiled. No woman in the family ever worked before. But when I was allowed to do one, I was over the moon.
 

 
I never talked to any male unless there were no other options, I never had a male friend at all. Never stayed back after college or office. Never attended any parties, functions or even official get-togethers. I was so grateful for the chance that was given to me that I could do nothing to lose it. I asked him before marriage that if I would be allowed to work after marriage. He told me that his family might not be very comfortable with it, but he would surely try to convince them. He never tried, not even a bit. I was just simply told to quit. I wish, I had an option. I really loved that job, but I left it because I couldn’t let you or my new family down.
 
Mumma, do you remember that day when I made you your favourite dish? You were so elated! I used to love cooking, and everybody used to love my food at our house.
 

 
Sorry Mumma, there was always something wrong. I tried to learn so hard, but it was never enough. Now, I don’t like cooking at all. I am sorry Mumma, I failed your cookery training.
 
Mumma, believe me, I did everything they asked and the way they liked. Still, no one liked me there. They always found a mistake. They didn’t even let me explain my side. I was always wrong, even when it was clearly not my mistake. But I apologised every time so that they won’t get hurt or question my upbringing. I didn’t even know what to do what not to do anymore. I sometimes tried to explain my side to him. It never ended well. You remember when I was 10, you once hit me? You started crying because you were so sorry. Papa never raised his hand on me too. But, he never thought twice before hitting me. I was always bruised, some were visible, and some were too deep down to be visible, but the pain was real and always there. You know how much I hated makeup. Even for my marriage, I couldn’t even apply lipstick properly. Now, I can do layers of makeup like a professional.
 

 
I don’t know why you couldn’t help me? Why I couldn’t come back? You said this was how society works and this was my fate. But why my pain had no importance. Why pleasing society was a better choice than wiping my tears. You said that I was being selfish for asking to break that relationship. Everyone else was already selfish, why couldn’t I be. You said I belonged there, but they never accepted me. You didn’t want me back and I couldn’t go there. I had no other option.
 

 
I am gone way beyond this circus where I was beaten and caged just to show the world a made-up show.
 
But don’t be sad, I can never quit on life. I couldn’t do that, at least not on such a bad note. I just quit on these relationships, these fake commitments and two-faced people. I am going to live life on my terms now. I have already moved to another city for my new job. I am going to have a lot of friends from all the genders. I am going to travel and try everything that I always wanted. I am going to party and I am going to dance like no one’s watching. I may fall in love again but this time, only I will decide its fate. Trust me, I will never do anything that will go against my values and instinct, but I am going to try everything else. I know, everyone is going to hate me for this. I will be the characterless spoiled woman that you always asked me to stay away from. But that’s OK. They already never liked me, so I don’t care anymore. It will hurt to know that you hate me, but it’s better than I keep hating you. I can understand if you don’t want to talk to me ever again.
 

 
It’s going to take some time for me to get over this trauma but believe me, you will be proud of me one day.
 




 
To all the men and women, if you are facing any type of domestic violence, please tell your family and friends about it. If no one is helping then contact the nearest police station. You don’t deserve this, no one desrves this. By staying silent, you are killing yourself. Speak and get out of the hell.

This article is fiction but based on various real life incidents that are common worldwide.